A Co Antrim mother whose husband died from cancer earlier this year has spoken about facing her first Christmas without him.
Gavin Nicholas was just 39-years-old when he passed away in February from stage four secondary melanoma cancer.
Survived by his wife Charlotte (34) and two daughters Olivia (6) and Lilah (3), the Randalstown family have thanked Cancer Focus Northern Ireland for their support.
She said her husband first noticed an uncomfortable mole on his neck in December 2021, which was then diagnosed as a cancerous melanoma.
The mole was quickly removed through surgery, but 18 months later he experienced severe headaches.
When a CT and full body scan revealed the cancer had spread to his brain and lungs, Charlotte said her world crumbled.
With no chemotherapy or radiotherapy as an option, the only treatment available was a course of drugs to prolong his life and allow more time with his family.
By December 2023, Gavin’s deteriorating health forced him to spend a lot of the Christmas period in hospital, but was able to return home to see his girls open their presents one last time.
He eventually died at home on February 11, surrounded by his family.
She said the Family Support team from Cancer Focus NI had been “an absolute lifeline” for the family.
“I can’t change what happened to us, it’s horrible,” she told The Irish News.
“There’s no way of changing anyone else’s story either but to know that there’s resources out there you can tap into makes a major difference.
“That’s why I’m speaking out even if it’s not in my comfort zone.”
She remembers her husband as “a very quiet, private man until you got to know him”.
“Then he had a very dry and sarcastic sense of humour, the life and soul of the party.
“It was the simple things that kept him happy.”
She added: “We didn’t have a great Christmas last year because Gavin’s health had deteriorated and he spent a lot of time in hospital.
“He was home for Christmas day but back in hospital on Boxing Day.
“It wasn’t a normal day sitting down to his Christmas dinner either, because he spent most of the day in bed apart from coming down to watch the girls open their presents.”
Describing a loss of identity after his death and transitioning from being a carer, she hopes to still enjoy family time this Christmas.
“This year, I just want Christmas day to be as chilled and relaxed as I can muster,” she said.
“But for the kids, you just have to keep going as they’ll be excited for Santa, so you just have to find that happy medium.
“You also try and let their excitement wash over you and keep you going.”
With the support of family and friends, Charlotte says she will also try to take moments for herself when she feels overwhelmed.
“We go to my mum for a few days. Hopefully that give me a chance for a few moments if I feel a bit tearful. I’m very fortunate that way,” she said.
Cancer Focus support 440 families and children every year dealing with a cancer diagnosis.
Further information about the support for families and fundraising activities is available at cancerfocusni.org
